Recently I have been battling a lot of car trouble. First, my car broke down and it was going to be about $3000 to fix it. Well that's way more than my old beater is worth so I went to a used car lot and got another old car for $1800 cuz that's all a poor struggling young person can afford these days if you have no credit. It is a nice old beater tho, and I quickly fell in love with it. However after about a month, it suddenly wouldn't start. I had to have it towed, back to the place where I bought it, and have it fixed. I spent quite a bit towing it and getting it fixed and, needless to say, I was quite annoyed and stressed.
Through this whole endeavor I found myself getting a bit depressed watching all my savings dwindle away so fast. I shared my struggles with co workers, family, and friends and the most common responses I got were, "well, these things happen, it could be worse." And then they proceeded to tell me all the possible ways that my situation could be worse.
As I listened and contemplated the things that were said to me, I found that it made me feel worse, instead of better. I know that some of them were just trying to help me think positively, that it wasn't as bad as it could be. However, most of them seemed to be belittling my problem.The more I thought about everything the more I realized that no matter how much worse it could have been, my particular situation was still a very difficult struggle for me, I was worried, stressed and discouraged, and having my friends and family bypass the fact that I was hurting and instead making me feel like I should be rejoicing, actually made things harder and more depressing because I wasn't getting the comfort and support I needed.
Let me step aside from this for a moment and bring up a somewhat popularized saying; Think before you speak. This saying has been further used by breaking down the word think into an acronym;
Is it:
True
Helpful
Inspiring
Nessesary
Kind
So lets take the phrase "It could be worse" and run it through the THINK filter.
Is it true?
Yes.
It is true that things could be worse. In fact it is always true that things could be worse. Even if you lose everything you hold dear, anyone could argue that it could be worse in some way. So yes it is true.
Is it helpful?
No.
How is it helping the particular situation if you are bring up scenarios of a bunch of other problems that could have been, and aren't? How is it helping to make someones situation look like its not that bad, when they are obviously being hit hard by whatever they have going on right now? Well to them, in that moment, in that situation, it is that bad. Weather it's not being able to afford paying your bills this month because of a car situation, or if you lost a beloved pet, or if you simply had a really bad day at work, in the situation, in the moment, in the heart and mind of that particular individual, it is a difficult trial for them. Period. No matter how much worse it could be, its bad enough as it is. And you're not making it any better by bringing up something that has nothing to do with whats actually going on.
Is it Inspiring?
No.
Do you think that by comparing someones difficulty to something worse is going to inspire them to feel all better? That family still doesn't know how they will afford food this month now. That girl still won't ever be able to cuddle her cat after a long day at school. And he's still going to be mentally hurting from the stress and struggle of a difficult work day. Negative, plus, it could have been even more negative, doesn't bring about an inspiring positive.
Is in nessessary?
No.
Someone struggling through a difficult time doesn't require you to tell them how much worse it could be. It's not a pressing need for them to know all the ways it could be worse.
Is it kind?
No.
Think about it. You are bypassing and belittling someones difficulty by telling them that they aught to be greatful that is wasn't worse. Don't you think they already are greatful it wasnt worse? How is it kind to bring up something that is totally irrelevant when you can see that they are hurting?
Now, we have one yes out of five questions. According to the THINK filter (which I believe to be a very good way to judge your words to anyone no matter what the situation) the phrase, "It could be worse.", has failed as a good response to someone who is struggling through a difficult time.
Here's a thought; perhaps when someone shares a difficulty with you, they are looking for a listening ear, a loving and kind heart, a shoulder to cry on. Maybe you could pray with them. You could help them come up with a solution. Perhaps you could hug them and tell them you understand, and even though its very difficult right now, it will get better and you are there for them to help it get better in whatever way you can. Instead of comparing their problem with things that haven't happened, you could be there to lift them up and carry them through this hard time.
Lets take time to actually care about and help people when they are struggling, instead of making them feel guilty for their pain.
